Short answer: I have writers block.
Long answer: I don't know how to write while I'm happy because most of my writing is a created from my trauma and I heal through my writing.
I never wanted this blog to become something that I HAD to update or that was on a schedule. I wanted to create as freely as possible and I thought this was the best way to do things. Unfortunately, that kind of thinking made me put off updating this blog for five months. I've honestly just been struggling for a while trying to find the motivation to update this blog. Starting the first semester of my sophomore year, taking five classes, and have two and half jobs were definitely valid deterrents from my writing. However, in addition to my blog, I had trouble writing anything that wasn't academic. I was happy, like REALLY happy, like "put me in the commercial for anti-depressants" happy. Most of my writing is derived from pain, or pain that turned into happiness and vice versa. I've never written without pain.
"Why was I so happy?", you ask. I was at peace. During the summer, I was able to let go of grudges that I had, and by the time I got to school in August I was on cloud 9. I had a new beginning and I was more than excited to start the school year. This is not to say this past semester was without pain, there was definitely some difficult times but I've found different ways to cope. I observed everything I've written in the past year and felt how sad it was. I don't even like to read my poetry at open mics because of how somber they all are. I want my writing to change.
This year I've decided to write about my joy. I want to write more positively and honestly just write more than ever. 2020 is the year I document my happiness.
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