Have you ever been in love and someone doesn't love you back or in the same capacity? Or have you ever loved someone who wasn't ready to love you the way you should be loved? Okay let me stop, before this turns into a Brandy ballad lol. I've felt like this most of my life and I even currently feel like this.
When I love, I love hard and I'm not solely referring to romantic relationships. In all of my relationships, I am someone who gives my all. I care a lot and will definitely go hard for those I care about. Unfortunately, this love isn't always reciprocated and for me, most of the time it's not. Lately, I've been feeling that I would never receive any reciprocity especially in my romantic relationship. I even tried to stop loving this person and I went as far as praying that I could stop being in love with them. I felt tired and drained but God reminded me of something. All of the love that I give, I get back, ten fold even.
The first thing God reminded me of is that He loves me and ALWAYS will. I am loved everyday I wake up, every time I take a breath, every time I take a footstep on my own, every time I go into a house and sleep in a bed, and so on and so forth. The best part about this love is that it's unconditional and it's consuming. Even though I owe my all, I didn't have to give anything to receive this love. I am not drained in this relationship and I am in overflow.
God also reminded me of the platonic relationships that I cherish so much. These relationships are Godly connections and I value them dearly. These relationships keep me grounded and are fueled by prayer and good times. Often times, I take these relationships for granted because the only types of relationships that are glorified in society and social media are romantic relationships. I took time and thought about these relationships and how they helped me during extremely hard times. Even more so, God has reminded me that in the romantic relationship that I have been struggling with our platonic bond has not gone away. The expectations that I placed on this person to love me made me forget about to original bond we shared and that's unfair to the other person and to myself.
The last and most important thing God reminded me of is His word. I started to look for all scriptures involving love and 1 John 4:16 stood out to me the most. The first part says, "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us." I realized I was relying on the love of others and man WILL fail you but love NEVER fails and God is love so I need to rely on Him. I used to ask "why am I not satisfied with my love life" and it's because I took God's love in my life for granted. The last part of the verse says, "Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them". I am loving because God lives in me but I can't love and expect something in return.
Love isn't about someone meeting your expectations, it isn't even about being loved in the same way you love. When you love and expect something in return you will ALWAYS fall short and be disappointed. That is not the point of love. I love others because God loves me and because Jesus loves me. I thank God that my heart hasn't hardened because of the pain that I've experience due to expectations not being met. This is not to say that I am now just blindly giving love to everyone I encounter; but, now I don't take offense when someone doesn't appreciate it. I am trying my hardest to live like Christ so I must love like Him. God lives in me and I will continue to love in this way. Yes, it gets hard especially when people treat me oh so wrong. I'm human so of course I get upset ,but I can't take it to heart and hold grudges because then I become bound by my pain. I will pray constantly and adhere to His word because I can't and will not get discouraged.
I have been praying for a love that I had all along. I know one day I will receive a love from another person that is reciprocated, but I will not sit in sorrow any longer and complain all of the days I don't have it. I will appreciate and be grateful for the love that God has already placed into my life. I will cherish those close to me and love with an unscathed heart.
I hope I wasn't rambling but I wanted to get this off my chest. This Transparent Tuesday series will more than likely be posted once or twice a month. I wanted this blog to be real and as a writer I want to be transparent will not only you all but God and myself as well. If you've reached the end of this thank you and I would love feedback on this post or if you have a similar story to tell.
God is love,
Jo
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